Saturday, January 31, 2009

Laugh with me or at me, but just laugh...Life is short.

Today I went to one of my small groups where we were discussing the Virtues: Prudence, Justice, Fortitude, Temperance, Faith, Hope, and Charity...After discussing them I wonder how often I employee them in my life.(I don't think very often there is some debate on this) I think I really have some work to do. I won't tell you which ones I need the most help on, you have to figure that out for yourself, hopefully I will have fixed that before you can figure it out, but if you do, maybe we can just have a good laugh about the fact that I am so human. (meaning I have so many faults that I stumble so much I need a helping hand (up if I have a choice) and someone to laugh with me, and shake their head and wonder how did I do that? again?) - There is a reason my family says I should dye my hair red and change my name to Lucy. Just ask them they will tell you.

Pete is on his way to Germany then after that back to the UK. I heard from him a little while ago, he made his connecting flight barely, but wasn't to sure if his bag was going to join him. Hopefully it will catch up with him in Berlin. One can hope right.

The kids just gave the dogs a bath. That was interesting. I am not sure who or what gets more water on them, the dog, the kids, or the bathroom floor. Every time the dogs get a bath I have to mop the bathroom floor. At least the floor stays clean. If only the whole house could stay that way. Is it possible with 2 dogs and 2 kids and various other people's kids in and out to keep a house spotless, and should I really worry about it? As long as I don't lose other people's kids, can find my own, have no new animals I didn't know about and the health department hasn't paid me a visit I am good right? Just wondering where the line is you know that "This house is clean enough to be healthy but dirty enough to be happy"

Amber's Journal Entry 30 Nov 90
"Life is not complex. We are complex. Life is simple, and the simple thing is the right thing." - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish writer
Well the U.N voted for the use of force against Iraq . 12 for, 2 against (Cuba and Yemen), and 1 abstained (China). Wow! January 15th, 45 days.
Things will happen then. Life is simple . So is death. Am I ready? Have I said and done everything I possibly can and humanly do?
The room is quiet now except for an occasional snore now and then, oh to sleep sound again. What a dream? To truly dream again. When? I'm lonely (inside) in a way I can't explain. Just to have a special someone would be nice, but those chances seem lost. Are they lost forever now?

(side note: the journal I was using here had quotes at the top of each page. The room I was in I shared with 12 other people during the day and we did what was called "hot coting" 13 people slept in the room during the day, and then using the same cots/beds 13 people slept in the room at night so 26 people in total used the room. They usually had to tell me to be quiet and go to sleep because we worked nights and I always wanted to stay up and talk most of the morning. If any of you guys are reading this..Sorry)

I am enjoying sharing these journal entries hope you all are enjoying reading the snippets.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

"Remember everything is personality driven, but don't take everything personally"

Since my mastery of the English language is a bit challenged today, I thought I would post a journal entry from one of my days during the 1st Gulf War. Some of my entries are very random just like me, and my posts here. Glad to see some things never change.

There was a saying we had when new officers (not ALL but most) would come in and want to change the WHOLE system of doing things, "The more things change the more they stay the same." I am not sure where the saying comes from but, by the time they "changed" it to "their" way and it went through many painstaking "no do it this way", we were back to the way we started. So there may be an undercurrent of frustration that has nothing to do with Desert Shield/Desert Storm but the personalities that surrounded me. I had a E-7 who used to tell me all the time "Remember, everything is personality driven, but don't take everything personally." At the age of 20 I had no idea what the heck he was talking about but after we got back from the 1st Gulf War it made sense.

Amber's Journal August '90
"I flew over with 2 RATT Rigs and 3 teams. We made a stop in Spain for a few hours. The country side (of Spain) - what I saw of it was very colorful. The first night in country (Saudi Arabia) was so different - I got off the plane (c141) and the heat about took your breath away. Then we had to get onto a bus. While walking to the bus the Arab's who were there stared at us the entire time it was truly a unique experience. One wonders had they ever seen that many American Soldier's before. Oh well. Everyone looked frightened and anxious all at the same time. I wondered what was going to happen once the bus stopped?"

I was so naive about so many things at this point. I had no idea what was ahead and I thought I had all the answers. Little did I know life was about to smack me around a bit. Those lessons we all learn at one time or another. I carry the things I learned those precious 9 months with me even to this day. I do not pretend or even for one moment think I know what the Soldiers today are facing. The conflict is different, the battlefield is different, even the enemy is different. I am only sharing a little of what I said and felt and observed during my short (and I stress short) time there in the sands of the desert. Maybe next time I will tell you about some of the personalities.


Sunday, January 25, 2009

It's all Perspective Right???? But Who's?

I just found one of the many journals I kept during the 1st Gulf War, so I am thinking I will post some of the entries from time to time of course I will change the names to protect the guilty.:). I realized I thought a lot about the personalities of the people I worked with. I think it kept my mind off of the things we were doing. I'm not posting any today but keep following and you will see them.

Today I am writing a paper about "most significant experience in participating in the celebrating of Baptism or Confirmation rite? What made it significant to me? How did it impact my spiritual life? What meaning or value does the Eucharist offer for deepening my relationship with Jesus Christ."

Just thought I would share a little of my Sacraments Class that I am taking. There are days when I shake my head and re-read a chapter 3 times a still wonder if I understand it the way I should. I have come to the conclusion that regardless there is always more to learn.

Peter leaves on Saturday for Berlin and then from Berlin he goes to London then he will be home around the 11th of February. Travel Travel Travel. Then he just told me he might have to go to Lithuania (hope I spelled that right, yea yea I know google and spell check exist but at this moment I am not stopping my train of thought to check to forgive me if it is wrong.) in March. I am sure there will be a trip in April and I know that Spain is in May, but beyond that I haven't really checked his calendar. (Does that make me a bad wife?, I guess it is just a matter of perspective right.:) Who's matters?)

Anyway look for the journal entries if I get this essay done I may post one later today.

As always it's just me being me. :)

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Bubble Bath and the movie 300 now that's a night....:)

My feet are cold...funny way to start a posting hmmm.. but what the heck it is true.."put on socks you say", done... "sit by the fire", done..."hot bath" next on the list.

Matthew is at a friend's Birthday party - it is supposed to be the NERF wars to end all NERF wars. Did you know that they made Chain guns for NERF..who knew...I am amazed. Boys and their toys. What is that saying, "the difference between boys and men are the size of their toys". How true.

Rebecca is at a friends house, they have been to the fair, to a local talk show, to the movies, and to church, so she should be home in about an hour. Her hair has almost no pink left in it. (Thank goodness, wait did I just type that out loud). She wants the platinum blond in it now, hey I can live with that. I keep telling myself, it's only hair. My mom reminded me, I dyed my hair red without telling anyone until after I already did it. Luckily she loved it, my dad on the other hand, well we won't go there, not in this posting anyway. We will just say he was slightly less thrilled about it.

Pete went to pick up Matt and the pizza, and after my bath I am going to enjoy a movie I could watch a million times, "no, it's not Legend of the Falls, for those of you who know me well." I have another favorite movie, 300....Ahhhh now there is a movie with tons of eye candy..Ladies you have to agree with me here. Who care if it is historically accurate or not, really who cares...not me.

When I first had the opportunity to watch this movie I was flying back from London and it was the last 10 minutes of the movie and the last 20 minutes of the flight, they turned to movie off to make all the last minute announcements. I yelled "NO". Of course I had no idea I had just yelled out loud. My niece laughed so hard at me. I did not think it was funny at all. I think it is now but not then.

SO back to my night...bubble bath and 300...what could be better champagne...and chocolate covered strawberries...(that I am dreaming on but it is a nice thought)

well more feet are still cold so I am heading for my bath...later...

Friday, January 23, 2009

Sleep who needs sleep...I do!

Sleep, it escapes me tonight. I think because me arm hurts where I had some very minor surgery. (very minor). I just have about a 2 inch hole in my arm that will heal in about a week but it is sore. That's all. No big deal. I just hope the scar isn't too bad. I guess it could have been worse, so thank goodness for the small things in life.

I was just reflecting on the time spent with my mom earlier in the week. I loved it. I needed her help and she was here. In the past 20 years I can honestly say "I hate asking for help" I despise it actually, but I can say at least on my part having her here was wonderful. I got to know her in a different light. I always knew she was this strong woman. She commands a room, and was a force to be reckoned with in the business world. But that was my mom, I learned that parents do the the best they can at any given moment, an they love unconditionally and that anything that hurts their children they bear the scars a well. Just like when my children are hurt I hurt with them. She doesn't wear it on her sleeves but I know she understands and in any given moment she is the best mom she can be in that moment and I love her more each day for that. I wish I could have spent more time with her. Soon I can when I move back home. (June is just around the corner)

oh there are many people I think about on any given day but this week was about my mom: Thanks mom! OK and yes I will get back to my monthly newsletters. :)

I was thinking February and how it will be here before I know it. February is special to me as well. It marks so many thinks. Beginnings of Friendships. Anniversary's of loved ones. The list can go on. And some how LOVE seems to just float in the air. Kinda' makes me smile. Hope it does you to. Isn't it a shame we only set aside one month to celebrate Love when there are 11 more that are perfectly good for showing how much we love one another. tsk tsk.

Anyway...I am feeling sleepy now. I am sure I will write more tomorrow. Enjoy!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

American Idol and Curling Irons part 2

Once again we watched American Idol, and laughed. I curled Rebecca's hair again and she immediately made me straighten it. Jeez I thought it looked great. I guess the taste of a 30-ish (no I will not post my age) year old mom, and that of my 13 year old differ greatly. We did laugh and it was worth it all.

Matthew decided he wanted to watch TV upstairs with Peter. Peter had to work and was on phone calls with people on the other side of the world. Oh well. I think he is a workaholic think he might need a 12-step program for that. (just kidding)

The fire is going, there is 5 inches of snow on the ground, I spent the day with my mom, and my kids, talked to some old friends what could be better.

The kids don't have school tomorrow so I am trying to figure out what we are going to do. One of Rebecca's friends came over and we played American Idol for the Wii that was fun except Rebecca ALWAYS wins. Looks like I need to practice. I only beat her twice. It's all fun though. Matthew is a Pro at bowling hands down he beats me every time and he can kick my butt at the Madden Football game. He loves the Tigers Woods Golf and I have yet to find the Hockey for the Wii. I was told it is out there I just have to find it. (OK I am a sports junky love it)

We are getting Rock Band and the Wii Fit next. I want to get them tomorrow but Pete said, "No." and said something about the budget. I hate the B word. Jeez.... Oh well....I'll have to keep you informed...:)

I love volunteering, and getting the right people together for a common goal. Sometimes I do miss Corporate America and Marketing....oh to put on a Suit and do my thing again...

Well that's it for today....night all....:)

It's Snowing...:)

It's snowing! It is absolutely beautiful, and it makes me miss New England (no really, I miss it). I miss waking up and seeing 3 feet of snow and it's -10 degrees. ahhhh those were the days.

The kids have been outside playing in the snow all morning. All the kids in the neighborhood have been outside all morning. I stepped out to take a few pictures earlier and all I heard was "hi Ms. Amber" it was sweet. I asked the young boys what trouble they were getting into today they assured me "nothing". I am not sure I believe them totally, but kids will be kids. I have to smile.
All the kids to include mine are enjoying having 2 days out of school.

Our Cairn Terrier LOVES the cold weather he rolled in the snow tried to tunnel in what little snow there is (4 inches isn't enough to tunnel in), came in and was caked in snow and looked at all of us like, "What?" as I was cleaning up the puddles everywhere he stepped. UGH.

My mom has been here for the last few days. I love having her with me. Peter is back from VA and will soon be getting ready for his trip to Berlin and London in February. My classes are going fine. Almost finished with one and 4 more weeks on the other one.

We have we just finished watching the Presidential Inauguration of President Obama, this marks a very historic day in our National regardless of who you voted for. We just saw history up close and personal.

Well...more later...:)

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Tempered Glass and Tempered Friends... all reach a shattering point.

Ever had one of those days where everything you seem to touch breaks and you don't have the glue to fix it. That's how I felt yesterday and today.

For example; Pyrex (I think that's how you spell it) glass, put a roast in the oven and we hear this explosion in the kitchen; long story short my glass pan does that happen. It is meant to go in the oven. It is meant to handle the heat.

I think in my life my true friends understand they have to be tempered like glass as well. But they aren't supposed to blow up either. It hurts to acknowledge that I am so intense at times that they explode as well. (well not literally), but even they have to call a time out for a while and I take their actions as a personal blow, when they only mean it as an I'll be back just give me time to catch my breath. Sometimes I forget that. One of my friends was explaining to me, "Girl I love you but, you are so intense, when you are sweet you are like sugar, when you are angry you are like a raging fire, when you are sad you are a waterfall, and when you love you give your all." They also said, "No wonder you have a ton of friends because at any given moment someone is coming up for air."

I know they all love me, but it hurts to know my personality is over the top sometimes (ok ok all the time). :) My intentions are always the best. I am so blessed to have friends and family who don't give up...they just have a time out then laugh with me again...

Friday, January 16, 2009

All or Nothing 90% of the time...Sorry.....Glad you love me anyway!

Well I spent the day today working on essays and taking tests. Only 4 more weeks of this class.

Let's see I refused to make and New Year's resolutions and so far I've lived up to them all..:) Who needs the pressure. :) But on a lighter note..all those clothes I packed away for "when I can wear them", I can now wear them again. The tanning bed is working it's magic and by May, The beaches (of Spain) and I will be friends :) Jeez, and I thought the beaches in Italy were a workout...Spain makes getting ready for Italy a cakewalk.

I researched some new formats for my family newsletter, and realized that last year's newsletters are only posted on the website and not on the Blog and I need to add a few more links from my Blog page. So I guess I will do that later tonight. I guess that means I need to put the Wii down.
I found some very interesting ideas for the newsletter from some surprising sources. Sports newsletters gave me a few ideas about more than just the format of my letter.

Peter will be traveling this weekend, then the 1st 10 days of February. Seems like for a stay home job he travels more now than when he worked in an office. Not complaining mind you, just thought it was funny. I can't wait til May and it is time for Spain....should be a fun trip, so I do get to go sometimes...

Who knew that Hockey games were so exciting. I guess since the Hurricanes are here in Raleigh, that makes the Sport more accessible, looks like I would have taken an interest when were in the Boston Area, however; in MA all I ever heard about was Baseball, Football, and sometimes a Basketball game.. Can't say I am a huge Basketball fan, but Hockey, Baseball, and Football (American) I'm hooked. Learning something new about myself all the time.

Let's see what else have I learned this week about me. I am very foolish! Trust me on this one, Peter would most certainly agree 110% on this one. Thank goodness he doesn't hold anything against me. Peter says I can be intense at times. I think the travel gives him a break from me...:)
I am sure I can be...I am going a million miles an hour most of the time, but when I slow down, I drive everyone nuts I think. hmmm:) I don't think I want to survey my friends and find out. I am just glad my FRIENDS and FAMILY love me just the way I am..:)

My new puppy is settling into the routine. I can't get over how much he looks like a fox...but he is Chihuahua and Pomeranian mix, and he is red. I will have to post some pictures soon.

Well I have ranted enough. More tomorrow.....

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Missing People...

I was thinking about all the people in my family who we lost in 2008.
Patty died a year ago today. She was so funny, and when I was a kids and computers were 1st becoming popular she had a portable one, she would pack up her BIG TRS-80 model III and would bring it with her. She would let me sit and "play" on it, I would really just sit and make up stories and just type while all the "adults" would talk around the table.

I can't say enough wonderful things about about Patty....:) Smiling and remembering her life.

So today is for Patty and all the things she did that made me smile. She wanted Champagne at her memorable service, because she said she lived a "Champagne" life. We have one bottle left from her memorial service..tonight we will remember and toast her life.

I try so hard to remember those who are living while they can hear me tell them. If you haven't taken the time to tell those whom you love that you love them lately please do before you can't remind them but only remember them.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

American Idol and Curling Irons...

So we sit down last night to watch my daughter's FAVORITE show American Idol, and I figure that since she is 13 and those moments of "mommy please fix my hair" are few and far in-between I would curl her hair for her during this TWO HOUR show.

Needless to say she has more hair than either of us realized and by 11:30 we finally finished curling all of it. She had that very formal 1930's 40's look to her hair until she combed it out then it just looked wavy. We had a fun time laughing and just hanging out. We didn't talk a lot as she shhhh'ed me a lot so she could hear the show, but it was fun none the less.

Matthew was on the couch with the new dog in heaven, and Murphy (the older dog), really does not enjoy hanging out with him. Matthew was only 7 when we got Murphy so that makes a big difference. Now Matthew has adopted Moe (aka Sparkie), and the two of the are inseparable when they are together. Matt is doing wonderful in Walking him 1st thing in the morning, feeding him, then walking him again, all before school starts. The taking him for long walks after school and playing with him for hours as well. So he is taking responsibility for the dog. Now if I could just get him to do the same with his room. Guess you can tell what is important to him. Funny, but aren't we that way too...Somethings we will put off until the absolute last minute, other things we just jump in and get it over with. Oh well....such is life..

My class is going well..I am enjoying it. There is more reading this time than I remembered for the other classes or maybe the "optional" reading I am just taking my time on. But The Sacraments are always fun for me to Study.

My work on the home from is getting done, though I remain restless and tired all at the same time. I am sure it is just because my mind is in a million places all at once and I need to practice just being the moment in which I am. In other words just be me, in every moment, and Focus on one thing at a time. Sure easier said than done...

Well is back to my class and the never ending laundry...(as I smile)..

Monday, January 12, 2009


I ALWAYS say this "I am going to write more.." but some how life just seems to happen and the Wii seems more fun than typing about my day. I sound like a PINK song "Who Knew" that the Wii could be so addictive.

Let's see..I have just started another class and this one is on the Sacraments of the Church (Catholic, just pointing out which church so you have a point of reference of which Sacraments), Finishing up another on one the Virtues. Then hopefully another seminar on the "Theology of the Body" (Encyclical by Pope John Paul II).

Today was a day where I accomplished a ton on a personal level....:)
I think tomorrow will be even better.....

I'll try to let you know....(notice I said try) don't hold it against me if it's another two months..